One Year of Pain

The picture above captures me at two very different stages of life. On the left, you see a woman smiling because she’s been let back in Australia after seven months of being locked outside of the country. This picture was taken while quarantining in Sydney. I didn’t complain about having to quarantine for two weeks at the Hilton…I was happy to do my part to keep the country safe. This was only a few days before my safety was compromised when the Hilton delivered a simple meal that would change my life in the year to come.

The woman on the right didn’t know the extent of what that one meal would do to her body. I have Celiac Disease, and the hotel knew this, yet I was given a meal that promised to be gluten free until the kitchen realized they had changed the recipe and accidentally forgot to adjust my meal plan in the aftermath. As I reflect on this mistake that was made exactly a year ago today, I have come to find that there is a lot of bitterness in my heart surrounding an incident that both Matt and I still have to grapple with on a daily basis.

What you can likely see from both of these pictures is weight loss. Now, due to Covid restrictions, not going to a gym for seven months, and poor nutritional decisions, I recognize that I had some weight to lose. I was still somewhat healthy during that time – prioritizing exercise – and I probably would have dropped around five pounds upon my return to the gym. However, my weight loss (15-20 pounds) was catalyzed, and continues to fluctuate, due to my poor health. I often find it tricky to navigate the comments I get in the gym…when someone says, “Wow, you look really fit, you must be working hard,” (or something to that tune), I hesitate between just saying thanks or explaining that it’s not my hard work in the gym that has caused me to drop so much weight. I’ve been sick…for an entire year…and there is no known end in sight.

I’ve had several conversations with my doctor, and it seems that my life style and eating choices will change indefinitely due to eating gluten on September 28, 2020. I’ve gotten into a routine of knowing what I can and can’t eat as a result of my ensuing stomach problems. I must admit, there were times when I would stand in front of the fridge and pantry and cry because I was hungry, but everything I ate made me sick. Now, I’ve got a fixed and limited group of foods that I know won’t make me sick, but that meal plan goes out the door when I have friends invite us over for dinner or ask us to meet them at a restaurant of their choice. My new line – and one that’s used fairly often – under these circumstances is, “I’m sorry – I’m just so complicated to feed.” I didn’t used to be…a gluten free diet isn’t easy, but it’s not impossible. The current diet I have to follow to avoid getting sick is so much more arduous.

The health issues that have surfaced outside of my stomach-related problems have been terrifying. I’ve been experiencing tingling and numbness in my arms/hands and legs/feet, I have had issues with eye sight, muscle cramps, chronic nose bleeds, arthritis, and worst of all…nerve pain. It can be debilitating living with pain like this, but life goes on, and there are good days, as well as bad days.

On a very positive note, I have been trying a new therapy that has proven incredibly helpful with my nerve pain. Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy (HBOT) was brought to my attention a few months back, and when I still couldn’t get any answers from the doctors (let’s be honest, I’m so far advanced on the Celiac spectrum that I’m probably the case study, so there seems to be limited knowledge about what I’m experiencing), I figured I would give it a go. I had my second session in the oxygen tank last week, and I am now on four days of no pain. My first session resulted in 2-3 consecutive pain-free days, and from what I understand, it should only continue to improve.

I don’t know much about HBOT, but from what I can gather, the altered levels of oxygen pumped into a sealed tank creates new pathways in the body that can help alleviate pain. That is a very vague definition, but if you deal with chronic pain, I would definitely suggest giving HBOT a try!

All this to be said, after a complete year of pain, I’m doing what I can to manage it and to try to stay positive. I don’t see an end to my stomach problems…and maybe this is my new normal, but there is hope for pain relief, and that is something worth praising God for. I have found an answer, albeit minor, and I will continue with the therapy in hopes that many more positives will come from it.

“For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:17).

Take Flight: The Detached Parent

While writing Take Flight, I grappled with the characterization development of the protagonist’s parents. Protagonist, Hallie Reed McClain, faces many trials throughout the novel, and at particular points in the journey toward divorce, she felt alone and ostracized. Much of that was due to the fact that her parents were not supportive.

It was difficult to create characters who were withdrawn from their daughter’s life, ignorant to her pain, and aggressive toward her circumstances. I don’t write from personal experience – my parents are loving, wonderfully involved, incredibly selfless, and unconditionally available to the needs of their daughters – so developing characters who were the exact opposite left me wrestling with my decision to create parents who were detached in just about every way possible.

I’ve had many readers express their annoyance with the parents’ disconnect throughout the plot, and when they share those frustrations with me, my answer is often: “I know!” It’s how I felt while developing the story…I had to write the parents in ways that would irrevocably clash with how a loving and caring parent would naturally react. Maybe you experienced a similar frustration while reading the book? Did you find you couldn’t relate to the parents’ indifference and sometimes outright boorish behaviors? If that’s the case, how did you find the ending of the book…satisfying or angering?

I’ve heard both reactions to the ending of Take Flight when it comes down to the parents’ ultimate confrontation with Hallie’s circumstances. However, in order to place Hallie in a position of utter abandonment, her parents had to be written this way. I would love to hear your thoughts in a comment below: Do you prefer to read about parents who are supportive and involved, or do you like the development of familial tension roused with the characterization of disconnected and painstakingly ignorant parents?